By ARTHUR W. PINERO

LONDON: WILLIAM HEINEMANN

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Copyright February i8g2
All rights reserved
Entered at Stationers'' Hall
Entered at the Library ofCon-
grets, Washington) U.S.A.

Six years ago dramatic conventionality exercised an
even greater tyranny than it does to-day, and British
playgoers were less prepared than now to look favourably
upon any effort to resist it. That the persons in a play
should be dealt with according to the probabilities of
actual life, when these clashed with the dictates of
theatrical custom and "poetical justice," was not to be
endured. The expectations of an audience were held
sacred, and were not to be tampered with. They were
as inexorable as the laws of the Medes and Persians, and
any dramatist who had the temerity to bring down his
curtain without having first made all his sympathetic
characters happy might expect little favour. But even
it that time Mr. Pinero was always inclined to fly in the
/ace of the theatrically conventional in some way or
another, and he actually dared to write a play in which
a young clergyman, for whom the deep sympathy of the
audience was enlisted, was permitted to fall innocently
and honourably in love with a married woman whom he
had thought to be single, and to suffer pain on her
iccount, without the husband being conveniently killed
iff in the last act to prepare the way for the clergyman's
expected matrimonial happiness. And this play Mr.

INTRODUCTORY NOTE.

Pinero, having his own dramatic purpose in view,
described as a comedy.

"The Hobby-Horse" was produced at the St. James's
Theatre, under the management of Mr. Hare and. Mr.
Kendal, on October 23, 1886, and it was acted until
February 26, 1887, one hundred and nine performances
being given in all. The following is a copy of the pro-
gramme of the first representation :�

ST. JAMES'S THEATRE.
Lessees and Managers, Mr. Hare and Mr. Kendal.

THIS EVENING, SATURDAY, OCTOBER 23rd, 1886,
At 8 o'clock,

WILL BE ACTED
AN ORIGINAL COMEDY IN THREE ACTS, CALLED

Rev. Noel Brice
Mr. Spencer Jermyn
Mr. Pinching
Mr. Shattock
Mr. Pews .
Mr. Lyman
Mr. Moulter
Tom Clark
Hewett
Tiny Landon

INTRODUCTORY NOTE.

Mks. Spencer Jermyn
Mrs. Porcher .
Miss Moxon
Bertha
Mrs. Landon

ACT I.
A CHAPTER OF PHILANTHROPY.

At Mr. Jermyn's.
Garden of Odium House, Over-Lessingham, near Newmarket.

A CHAPTER OF SENTIMENT.

Mr. Brice's Lodgings:

Overlooking the Church of St. Jacob' s-in-the-East.

A CHAPTER OF EXPIATION.

Odium Bouse again ; the Morning Room.

THE SCENERY PAINTED BY THE ARTIST TO THE THEATRE,
MR. HARFORD.

Though it would be unjust to write this play down a
failure it was not exactly a success. That large section
of the playgoing public which expects only to laugh at a
comedy, was puzzled between the comic and the senti-
mental aspects of the story, and therefore the attendance
at the theatre gradually diminished. On the other hand,
there were many who saw that this play was intended as
a satire on those false philanthropic fads which are
a sign of a sentimental age; who recognised in the

INTRODUCTORY NOTE,

abortive love affair of the young curate, not an injustice
done to their theatrical sympathies, not a capricious
piece of cruelty on the part of the author, but the dra-
matic means by which the disastrous consequences
of misdirected philanthropy were to be emphasised.
That the play should have been called a comedy pro-
voked the ire of some of the critics, who promptly
repeated the charge of cynicism which has so often been
hurled against Mr. Pinero for his efforts to be as true
to life as the restricted conditions of dramatic composition
destined for the stage will allow. And to-day, if you ask
Mr. Pinero to define a comedy, he will playfully tell you
it is a farce written by a deceased author.

Perhaps " The Hobby-Horse,'' in its defiance of the
conventional demand for wholesale conjugal happiness in
the last act, though an ample supply was conceded, was a
little before its time ; perhaps in 1886 it still required the
Ibsen controversy to clear the theatrical air for the
acceptance of such a progressive step as the sacrifice of
the curate's feelings and future domestic comfort to the
artistic design and satirical purpose of the play. Had
" The Hobby-Horse " been produced at the present time,
who knows but it might possibly have met with greater
success, for though we may still quarrel about the defini-
tion of comedy, we do not still insist on every occasion
that everybody shall be made absolutely and irrevocably

happy before curtain-fall.

A CHAPTER OF PHILANTROPHY.

The scene is the garden and exterior of a picturesque
old country-house, with gables and porch all over-
grown with flowers, the residence of Mr. Spencer
Jerhyn. It is a bright May morning.

Shattock comes cautiously along the garden walk, fol-
lowed by Pews. Shattock is a bony, ungainly-
looking man of about forty, with high shoidders,
rounded back, close-cropped head set forward, and
a sallow, keen-eyed face; Pews is a snub-nosed,
red-faced, fat little man. Both are dressed horseyly, ,
and have a very broken-down appearance.

[Turning sharply upon Pews.] Sssh ! Can't you
turn off that music ?

[Panting and wiping his forehead.] No, I cannot�
if you allood to my breathing a bit heavy.

2 THE HOBBT-IIORSE

You're a nice broken-winded gentleman to bring
out on a quiet delicate expedition. Didn't I tell
you, Edward Pews, that it ain't our book to meet
the ladies ? Breathe in your 'at, man ; breathe in
your 'at.

You knew I was a roarer when you brought me
here, Samuel. I 'ave been so ever since I got ducked
at Doncaster in '84.

[Grouching on the steps and looking into theZioitse.]
There they are�I see 'em, all of 'em�'aving their
morning feed. Mr. Spencer Jermyn is a glancin' at
the newspaper�a little curious about the prices for
the Grand Pree apparently. Mrs. Jermyn is a toy-
�ing with a hegg. Oh, you beauty! Who's the
other ? Oh, Miss Moxon, the lady stayin' in the
'ouse, makes a bad third. All right�Jermyn'll
show directly. He said he'd be 'appy to see myself
and friend this morning at 10 a.m.

Did he ! Then why the dooce are we sneakin' up
to his 'ouse, huggin' the rails instead of takin' the
middle o' the course fair and open ?

I'll tell you, Edward�then p'rhaps you'll breathe
a little peacefuller. You've seen this 'ere Spencer
Jermyn ?

At pretty nigh hevery race-meeting for the last
ten years. I've see him at Lincoln�I've see him at
Liverpool�I've see him at the Epsom Spring�I've
see him 'ere at Newmarket � I've see him at the
Epsom Summer�I've see him------

Very well, you've see him�that's enough. D'ye
know the party in question ?

I can't say as we've ever chummed, but I've heered
him classed as a generous patron of the turf and a
good and game thoroughbred Henglish gent.

You've hit it�you've enoomerated Spencer Jer-
myn's points more than accurate. He's a man wot
loves the 'orse and all them wot has to do with the
'orse�he loves racin' and sport and pluck, and he's
got a open 'and for any broken-down sportsman.
Some say that hiutellectually Mr. Spencer Jermyn
wouldn't pass the Vet. Well, 7" ain't going to howl
about that. If Spencer Jermyn takes a lovin' fancy
to Samuel Shattock, ex-jockey, ex-trainer, ex-book-
maker, hex�hex------

That's a friendly comment, Edward ! [Looking into
the house.] Hullo, they're stirrin'.

But you 'aveu't told me, Sam, why you want to
fight shy of the women folk.

Why ! Because Mr. Spencer Jermyn has gone and
married a lady who don't know a 'orse from a 'am
sandwich ; a female with no more lovin' sympathy
for the Turf and them wot lives by it than�than the
chaplain of York Prison.

Hush! drop a wail over the past, Sam.

"Always keep out of the way of the ladies, Mr.
Shattock," says Jermyn to me. " Mrs. Jermyn has
no eyes for anything but her little ragged urchins."

Pews.
What's he mean bv that ?

Why, he's married a woman with a craze. She's
a�a�a�a philant'ropist.

Never 'appy but wot she's picking up dirty little
boys and girls and takin' them home and washing
and combing 'em, and giving 'em cake and sermon.
As if las philant'ropy wasn't as good as her plnlan-

THE I10BBT-II0RSE 5

t'ropy ! As if we didn't want washin' and combin'
as much�ay, more than the dirtiest boys and girls
in England! Look out! [Mhs. Landon, a poor
widow, comes up the walk, leading Tiny Landon, a
small boy.] There ! What did I tell you ! Here's
one of Mrs. Jermyn's little devils, ready to take the
bread out of an honest man's mouth.

[Shattook steps forward to meet Mks. Landon.]

I beg your pardon, sir�I want for to see the lady,
Mrs. Jermyn.

Tall, fair lady? Went down that theer avenue
about twerty minutes ago. Am I correct in what I
am sayin', Mr. Pews ?

I certainly see a tall, fair lady goin' down the ave-
nue, a carryiug a red plush bag with a monygram
on it.

Eh, but she told me not to fail to bring my little
boy this morning. I am that disappointed.

She was similarly anxious for to see Mr. Pews�I

'ave brought 'im miles and miles. We're all in the
same basket, seems to me.

[Hewett, a groom, comes from the house.]

Hewett.
[To Pews and Shattock.] Hullo, what do you
want?

We're a' waitin' for to see Mr. Jermyn, Mr.
Hewett. Don't hasten him, sir�our time's our own.

Oh, good-morniDg, Mrs. Landon. Mistress said
I was to take you and Tiny to her room d'rectly you
came.

These gentlemen thought they saw her go out�
they must have been mistaken.

'Taint the first time in their lives they've been
mistaken, I dare say. Come along o' me.

[Mbs. Landon follows Hewett up the steps to the
house.]

[Cuffing Tiny, who runs after his mother.] You
get shown in, do you�you pushing little cad !

[Mb. Jebmyn, a smart, dapper little man of forly-fwe
or fifty, with a sporting appearance, comes through
the porch and meets Hewett, Mbs. Landon, and
Tiny on the steps.]

Ah, Mrs. Landon, how do you do ? Getting over
your trouble ?

Mbs. Landon.
Slowly, sir.

Your boy doesn't grow much�put him into a
stable and make a jockey of him. [Mrs. Landon
and Tiny go inside with Hewett.] Lord bless me!
Another rackety little imp running about the place
�we're swarming with 'em. Ah, if my scheme
should by any chance satisfy Diana's philanthropic
cravings, what a relief it would be !

[Meeting Jermyn as he descends the steps.] Good-
mornin', Mr. Spencer Jermyn, sir.

Ah, Mr. Shattock, you're punctual, I'm glad to see.

Yes, Mr. Jermyn, sir, and I've ventured for to
bring with me the other deservin' case I mentioned.
Mr. Hedward Pews, formei'ly a boy in John Gor-
ton's stable�he rode Hysteria for Lord Oscott in
the Hoaks so fur back as '56�being suspended
from riding at Goodwood in '61 on a unjust charge
of 'orrid language at the post, he took to drink and
put on flesh rapid. In proof whereof I ask you to
look at 'im. Since that time he has been various,
but never lucky. He------

All right�all right. What has he been doing
lately ?

Selling tips in envelopes, sir�and doin' poorly,
my voice not tellin' after the fust hour.

Can he refer me to anybody ?

Shattock.
Can he refer you to anybody!

Pews.
Can I refer you to anybody ! Ho 1

[Admiringly.] Can you refer him to anybody i
(They look uneasily at each other.] Can he refer you
to�h'm !�well, in a sort of way, Mr. Pews gives me
as a refryence.

Oh�well, I'll make inquiries. All I can say for
the present is, I don't dislike your friend's face.
[Pews wipes his face carefully ivitli a dirty handker-
chief] And now I had better explain, Mr. Shat-
tock, why I desired to see you this morning. Sit
down�don't mind me�sit down. [Shattock and
Pews sit side by side on a garden bench.] I will walk
about. I am so excitedly interested in my scheme
that I really cannot discuss it sitting down.

Shattock.
We will hear you out, sir�we will hear you out.

Pews.
You're a gentleman, sir�none better.

My scheme is this. Mrs. Jermyn, my wife, is a
lady of a most charitable disposition. It is my
fault entirely that I have comparatively little sym-
pathy with the precise form of her generosity.
However, that's nothing to do with you, my men.

Shattock.
Go on, sir�we're 'earin' you.

Mrs. Jermyn, on the other hand, has no feeling
for anything or anybody connected with the Turf or
the Stable�no feeling except one of positive distaste.

Pews.
Shame ! Shame !

How dare you employ that ejaculation in refer-
ence to Mrs. Jermyn, sir ? What do you mean bv
it, eh ?

[To Pews.] Now I 'ope you're proud of yourself !
Spencer Jermyn.

Mrs. Jermyn's prejudices are quite beyond not
only the censure but the comprehension of such as
ourselves.

[To Pews.] Because your face gets flattered you
go and lose your 'ead !

But I think, Mr. Shattock, that I have discovered
a method of blending Mrs. Jermyn's notions of
philanthropy with a pet plan of my own to benefit
some of the waifs and strays connected with the
noble pastime which is more than my hobby, which
is my existence.

Shattock.
Well spoken!

There is a farm-house of mine which has been
vacant for a long time, about five miles from here,
at Shodly Heath�a very commodious, well built
dwelling. Perhaps you know it ?

A 'ouse painted yaller cream colour?

That's it. [Seeing Jermyn take out a cigar, Shat-
tock and Pews simultaneously produce their clay
pipes.] Now my notion is to fit and furnish this
house substantially and usefully, and to endow it as
a Home for about twenty decayed jockeys and
stablemen, men like yourselves, who have outlived
their chances on the turf and fallen on bad days.
There, Mr. Shattock, what do you think of that ?

THE IIOBBT-IIOBSB 11

Tell me, mister�are you hentering us for the
temperance stakes?

How dare you put a question like that? Where's
your gratitude for the bare idea ?

I was a thinkin' of Mr. Pews�too little is as bad
as too much for a man like Edward Pews,

We'll discuss that by and by. The point is, Mr.
Shattock, can you find twenty men who would be
willing to lead honest, sober, decent lives ?

Well, off hand I shouldn't like for to pledge my-
self to sich a undertaking.

Men with some good sterling qualities in them
behind all their faults and weaknesses.

Well, you see I dessay I've rather spoilt you by
showing you me and Mr. Pews fust. However, you
leave this 'ere to me�and if there is on the face of
this yer earth twenty honest broken-down sportsmen
willing for to be kep' free and liberal I'll bring 'em
to the post fit and fine.

12 THE HOBBY-HORSE

Thank you�thank you. It's a grand scheme ! I
long to break it to Mrs. Jermyn�if she takes to it
why, ha, ha ! who knows, we may see her at Ascot
yet!

[Pinching, a pleasant but rather weak-looking young
man, in riding costume comes up the walk.]

Pinching.
How are you, Jermyn ?

Spencer Jermyn.
My dear Pinching.

I'm behind my time�the mare lost a shoe, so I
had to leave her at Lessiugham and walk on. Are
these gentlemen two of your proteges ?

[With pride.] Yes. You're smiling, Pinching�
don't, my boy, don't! I can't get you to treat this
matter with professional earnestness. Er�urn�
Mr. Shattock, this is Mr. Ralph Pinching, of New-
market�my solicitor.

[The men bow uncomfortably.]

[Under his breath.] 'Ere's a element to creep in.

THE HOBBY-HORSE 13

Now, my men, I am leaving here this morning,
almost immediately, and it is possible that I shall
bo away for nearly a month. But during my ab-
sence, Mr. Shattock, you will communicate with Mr.
Pinching as if he were myself�he has my full in-
structions. [Hewett cornea from the house.] Hew-
ett, don't forget I go to town by the twelve-fifteen.
Put Komper in the cart.

And give these men something to eat and drink.

I To Hewett.] Now you've got to show us in.

Hewett.
Yes� kitchen.

[Hewett goes towards the house with Shattock
and Pews.]

And now, my dear Jermyn, I've something rer-lly
serious to talk to you about.

Good gracious, Pinching ; serious !

14 THE HOBBY-HORSE

Yes�you shall find me your man of business in
real earnest for a few moments.

Spenceb Jeemyn.
Lord bless me, Pinching, you don't mean------

That I have some news of your boy, Allan ? Yes,
I think so.

My boy ! my boy ! Get on, sir ! get on ! For
heaven's sake, don't go to sleep about it. It isn't that
I'm in a hurry to hear anything of that scamp of a
hoy, but I have to catch the twelve-fifteen�God
bless him ! [Pinchingproduces a pocket-book.]

Now tell me, Jermyn�when did you quarrel and
part with your son ? I particularly want dates.

Certainly�it was just, before the Middle Park

Pinching.
No, no, please�legally, that is not a perfect date.

"Well, it was about six months before my marriage
to Diana.

TEE HOBBY-HORSE 15

And you married the present Mrs. Jermyn a little
over a year ago ; come, that's better. [Turning over
sarnie papers.] Now, about the time this quarrel oc-
curred, I find that a young man named Thomas
Clark shipped himself on board the steamship Pen-
guin, bound for the Australian ports, as a common
sailor.

Pooh ! On the wrong scent�that wouldn't be
my boy Allan.

This Thomas Clark left some clothes behind him
at a lodging in the East of London.

Allan wouldn't have done that�on the wrong
scent, sir.

The landlady subsequently sought the advice of
the Police as to her right to dispose of this property.
It was ultimately sold, but there exists a memoran-
dum on the Police books that some articles of ap-
parel belonging to Mr. Thomas Clark were marked
" A. J."

I fancied it might be.

10 TBS HOBBY-HORSE

Fancy ! There's no fancy about it! You surely
haven't let the matter drop? My dear Pinching,
you are neglecting this business altogether�I could
have managed it better myself. It's not profes-
sional !

Pray be calm, Jermyn, and hear me out.
Spencer Jermyn.

Excuse me, Pinching. I am much obliged to you
for your energy in this affair. Go on.

It appears that the boy signed articles with the
owners to make four voyages in the Penguin.

Spencer Jermyn.
' And did he ?

Pinching.
Thomas Clark did�and finally discharged himself
at the East India Docks about a month ago.

Spencer Jermyn.
And where is he now ?

Pinching.
That is just what I am trying to find out.

Spencer Jermyn.
Trying to find out! Rubbish, sir !

Pinching.
What I mean to find out, if I caa.

THE IIOBBY-UonSE 17

[Taking Pinching's hand.] Thank you, old fellow ;
you are a good friend. Bring my boy back to me
again, Pinching, for two reasons.

Pinching.
Two reasons ?

Well, in the first place Diana has never seen him
�and a woman ought to know what her son is like.
And, secondly, Pinching, in our quarrel the boy was
right and I was wrong.

It was a serious business. He fancied Medusa for
the Middle Park Plate and I had a strong liking for
King Caraway. But he said that King Caraway
wasn't fit to run without a respirator and that irri-
tated me, Pinching, and we had hot words and I
saw him go out at that gate, sir, and we never met
again. Aud next day when I watched the racing I
was still so indignant, Pinching, that I could hardly
steady my glasses. But the boy was right, God
bless him ! And I want to tell him what I felt when
I saw that confounded King Caraway go to pieces
at the Abingdon Dip, sir, while Medusa, my deal
boy's fancy, romped in like a ballet-girl!

(Miss Moxon, a prettily dressed young lady, appcan
in the porch.]

18 THE UOBBy-lIOllSE

Miss Moxon.
Mr. Pinching.

Oh, how do you do, Miss Moxon ?

Mrs. Jermyn wants to know if you have break-
fasted.

Pinching.
Yes�thank you.

Oh, do come in ! It is almost my last hour in
Odium House, Mr. Pinching�I'm going away this
morning for good.

[To Jermyn.] Will you give poor unfortunate me
a lift to the station to catch the twelve-fifteen, Mr.
Jermyn ?

I'm sorry to assist at your departure, Miss Moxon.
However, I'll tell Hewett we'll go over in the car-
riage.

[Jermyn leaves them, and, directly he is out of
sight, Miss Moxon runs down the steps and
Pinching takes her hand.]

Pinching.
Going away, Miss Moxon !

THE HOBBY-HORSE 19

Yes; isn't it awful ? And I am so happy here
with Diana. I feel I shall never be happy again,
Mr. Pinching�never, never, never.

Pinching.
But why are you going ?

Miss Moxon.
[Sitting.] It is my duty.

Pinching.
[Silling close beside her.] Duty !

[Jermyn returns quickly.]

Oh, by the bye, Pinching------ [Pinching and

Miss Moxon rise guiltihj. All three are embarrassed.]

I just wanted to say�er�urn------[Looking at Miss

Moxon.] Excuse me, Pinching�won't you?

Don't tell Mrs. Jermyn this morning of our dis-
coveries about my boy Allan.

Pinching.
Certainly not, if you don't wish it.

THE lIOBBY-UOllSti

It is rather a sore subject between us; Diana
always points to the loss of my boy as one of
the evil results of horse racing, and as I'm just go-
/ ing to divulge my scheme for the Jockeys' Home at
Shodley Heath, I particularly want her to be in a
good temper to-day. That's all, Pinching. '[Look-
ing at Miss Moxon.] Excuse my�my awkwardness,
won't you? Charming woman, Miss Moxon. Er� j
h' m I I shan't see you again for five minutes, Pinch-
ing. [Jermyn goes into the house.]

[Strolling towards Pinching.] Were you saying
anything to me, Mr. Pinching, when dear Mr. Jer-
myn came back ?

Oh, yes�why is it specially your duty to run
away from friends who�who like you so well, Miss
Moxon ?

Why, don't you know that I am a very, very poor
woman, Mr. Pinching; that I had nothing-a-year
settled on me by my parents, who died almost be-
fore I was born ; and that I have been some sort of
a governess ever since I could lisp, and shall remain
one till I am qualified for an almshouse.

No�I only know that you were a schoolfellow of
Mrs. Jermyn's, and that you have been a guest at

THE IIOBBY-HOIISB 21

Odium House for the last three weeks, and that�

And that iny legal visits to Mr. Jermyn have lately
been very protracted.

Thank you ! You're the only lawyer I've ever
known�as well as this.

You are the only governess I have ever known as
well as this.

I never imagined a lawyer was so young.

Oh, yes�it's only in books that we suffer from
chronic old age.

After to-day, when I am far, far away from Odium
House, I shall always think pleasantly of a lawyer.

Pinching.
And I shall always think pleasantly of a governess.

Miss Moxon.
Of governesses in general, do you mean�or a
governess ?

22 THE HOBBY-HORSE

Pinching.
A governess.

[Looking away.] Then do you know any other
governess ?

[Mrs. Jermyn, a stately, handsome tvoman of about
thirty, appears at the top of the steps leading Tiny
Landon by the hand.]

Won't you come into the house, Mr. Pinching?
Constance, dear, you said you would look after Mr.
Pinching.

I am doing so, Diana.

[Mrs. Jermyn and Tiny come doivn the steps as
Miss Moxon and Pinching ascend.]

Thank you, Mrs. Jermyn. Am I too old to com-
pete with this young gentleman for a j:>ermanent lo-
cation at Odium House ?

Ah, Mr. Pinching, don't you he unsympathetic. I
fear my husband's indifference is contagious. Go
in, please�I am looking for Mr. Jermyn. [Miss



				ycfjfi_t*

		Ths Hobbt- H07(S8

			J COMEDY In Three Actt

By ARTHUR W. PINERO

	LONDON: WILLIAM HEINEMANN MCMVt



		INTRODUCTORY NOTE,
	viii	INTRODUCTORY NOTE,
	viii

abortive love affair of the young curate, not an injustice done to their theatrical sympathies, not a capricious piece of cruelty on the part of the author, but the dra- matic means by which the disastrous consequences of misdirected philanthropy were to be emphasised. That the play should have been called a comedy pro- voked the ire of some of the critics, who promptly repeated the charge of cynicism which has so often been hurled against Mr. Pinero for his efforts to be as true to life as the restricted conditions of dramatic composition destined for the stage will allow. And to-day, if you ask Mr. Pinero to define a comedy, he will playfully tell you it is a farce written by a deceased author. Perhaps " The Hobby-Horse,'' in its defiance of the conventional demand for wholesale conjugal happiness in the last act, though an ample supply was conceded, was a little before its time ; perhaps in 1886 it still required the Ibsen controversy to clear the theatrical air for the acceptance of such a progressive step as the sacrifice of the curate's feelings and future domestic comfort to the artistic design and satirical purpose of the play. Had " The Hobby-Horse " been produced at the present time, who knows but it might possibly have met with greater success, for though we may still quarrel about the defini- tion of comedy, we do not still insist on every occasion that everybody shall be made absolutely and irrevocably happy before curtain-fall. Malcolm C. Salaman.



	28
	28	THE nOBDY-IIOIiSIS
		THE nOBDY-IIOIiSIS

Bless my soul and body, you have a bobby which is a weakness! Mbs. Jermyn. Aud pray what is that, Spencer ? Spencer Jermyn. [Pointing to Tiny.] There's an animated fraction of it over there. There are four or five more of them stabled�I beg your pardon, Diana�domi- ciled in our house at this moment. I don't bring my horses indoors. Mbs. Jermyn. A few local orphans happen to be occupying the nursery. You know�you must be aware�that we have no other use for the nursery. Spencer Jermyn. My dear Diana, if we are to argue let us argue re- spectfully and fairly! Mrs. Jermyn. I admit, Spencer, that lam absorbingly interested in little boys. To wander freely through the courts and alleys of the most wretched districts of London, finding small human treasures amongst the flot- sam and jetsam of the great metropolis, is the fur- thermost ambition my mind can grasp. [Coasivg- li/.] Promise me, Spencer, promise me that when the summer is gone and the chill misery of the wet winter is upon us, that you will spend a day with me in Poplar ?



		31
	THE HOBBY-HOUSE	31
	THE HOBBY-HOUSE

Mrs. Jeemyn. Oh, you dear old Nettles! I know ! Nettles has been having what he calls "a good time of it" at that awful Epsom. And yet I'm not angry with him. Well then, dear, this is my plan�the chil- dren are in the way at Odium House�in your way, I mean. Spencer Jermyn. They certainly are. Mrs. Jermyn. And when they all have the whooping cough it will be distressing to Nettle's ear. Now, why shouldn't we furnish the Shodly Heath farm------ Spencer Jermyn. Diana! Mrs. Jermyn. Turn Mrs. Clegg, our old housekeeper, into a sort of Matron, and make the farm-house (t Kefuge for thirty or forty of my little waifs ? Spencer Jermyn. My dear Diana, to a very great extent my plan is yours. Mrs. Jermyn. Oh! Spencer Jermyn. I had already determined to furnish the Farm for benevolent purposes------



	36
	36	THE HOBBY-HORSE
		THE HOBBY-HORSE

Pinching, who is engaged with Miss Moxon.] Pinch- ing !�that all the thoughtfulness, all the charity of this notion has been animated by your beautiful, your magnificent example in dealing with little boys. That child is tearing your gown, Diana; box his ears�box his ears ! But, Diana, as Pinch- ing aptly reminds us�Pinching, please !�as Pinch- ing reminds us, the world is not exclusively peopled by little boys. Mrs. Jermyn. Is it peopled with anything more innocent, more precious than little boys ? Spencer Jermyn. H'm! No, my dear�but you oughtn't to con- centrate innocence on Shodly Heath ; you ought to diffuse it. Now, men like Mr. Shattock�step a little forward, Shattock; my wife can't see you well �men like Mr. Shattock are victims of lost oppor- tunities. Shattock. True, lady. Spencer Jermyn. Mr. Shattock was once a jockey of considerable promise. Shattock. I was brought low, lady, by being got at by ths wealthy and unscrupulous. Whenever I had a good mount, lady, and stood a chance of being in the one- two-three, I was always got at, lady. Examine the knuckle�muscles of that 'and, lady. [Mrs. Jermyn



			INTRODUCTORY NOTE

		Six years ago dramatic conventionality exercised an even greater tyranny than it does to-day, and British playgoers were less prepared than now to look favourably upon any effort to resist it. That the persons in a play should be dealt with according to the probabilities of actual life, when these clashed with the dictates of theatrical custom and "poetical justice," was not to be endured. The expectations of an audience were held sacred, and were not to be tampered with. They were as inexorable as the laws of the Medes and Persians, and any dramatist who had the temerity to bring down his curtain without having first made all his sympathetic characters happy might expect little favour. But even it that time Mr. Pinero was always inclined to fly in the /ace of the theatrically conventional in some way or another, and he actually dared to write a play in which a young clergyman, for whom the deep sympathy of the audience was enlisted, was permitted to fall innocently and honourably in love with a married woman whom he had thought to be single, and to suffer pain on her iccount, without the husband being conveniently killed iff in the last act to prepare the way for the clergyman's expected matrimonial happiness. And this play Mr.



			THE HOBBY-HORSE

		THE PIEST ACT. A CHAPTER OF PHILANTROPHY. The scene is the garden and exterior of a picturesque old country-house, with gables and porch all over- grown with flowers, the residence of Mr. Spencer Jerhyn. It is a bright May morning. Shattock comes cautiously along the garden walk, fol- lowed by Pews. Shattock is a bony, ungainly- looking man of about forty, with high shoidders, rounded back, close-cropped head set forward, and a sallow, keen-eyed face; Pews is a snub-nosed, red-faced, fat little man. Both are dressed horseyly, , and have a very broken-down appearance. Shattock. [Turning sharply upon Pews.] Sssh ! Can't you turn off that music ? Pews. [Panting and wiping his forehead.] No, I cannot� if you allood to my breathing a bit heavy. A



			2 THE HOBBT-IIORSE

		Shattock. You're a nice broken-winded gentleman to bring out on a quiet delicate expedition. Didn't I tell you, Edward Pews, that it ain't our book to meet the ladies ? Breathe in your 'at, man ; breathe in your 'at. Pews. You knew I was a roarer when you brought me here, Samuel. I 'ave been so ever since I got ducked at Doncaster in '84. _: Shattock. [Grouching on the steps and looking into theZioitse.] There they are�I see 'em, all of 'em�'aving their morning feed. Mr. Spencer Jermyn is a glancin' at the newspaper�a little curious about the prices for the Grand Pree apparently. Mrs. Jermyn is a toy- �ing with a hegg. Oh, you beauty! Who's the other ? Oh, Miss Moxon, the lady stayin' in the 'ouse, makes a bad third. All right�Jermyn'll show directly. He said he'd be 'appy to see myself and friend this morning at 10 a.m. Pews. Did he ! Then why the dooce are we sneakin' up to his 'ouse, huggin' the rails instead of takin' the middle o' the course fair and open ? Shattock. I'll tell you, Edward�then p'rhaps you'll breathe a little peacefuller. You've seen this 'ere Spencer Jermyn ?



			THE HOBBYHORSE 3

		Pews. At pretty nigh hevery race-meeting for the last ten years. I've see him at Lincoln�I've see him at Liverpool�I've see him at the Epsom Spring�I've see him 'ere at Newmarket � I've see him at the Epsom Summer�I've see him------ Shattock. Very well, you've see him�that's enough. D'ye know the party in question ? Pews. I can't say as we've ever chummed, but I've heered him classed as a generous patron of the turf and a good and game thoroughbred Henglish gent. Shattock. You've hit it�you've enoomerated Spencer Jer- myn's points more than accurate. He's a man wot loves the 'orse and all them wot has to do with the 'orse�he loves racin' and sport and pluck, and he's got a open 'and for any broken-down sportsman. Some say that hiutellectually Mr. Spencer Jermyn wouldn't pass the Vet. Well, 7" ain't going to howl about that. If Spencer Jermyn takes a lovin' fancy to Samuel Shattock, ex-jockey, ex-trainer, ex-book- maker, hex�hex------ Pews. Hex-welsher. Shattock. That's a friendly comment, Edward ! [Looking into the house.] Hullo, they're stirrin'.



			4 THE HOBBY-HORSE

		Pews. But you 'aveu't told me, Sam, why you want to fight shy of the women folk. Shattock. Why ! Because Mr. Spencer Jermyn has gone and married a lady who don't know a 'orse from a 'am sandwich ; a female with no more lovin' sympathy for the Turf and them wot lives by it than�than the chaplain of York Prison. Pews. Hush! drop a wail over the past, Sam. Shattock. "Always keep out of the way of the ladies, Mr. Shattock," says Jermyn to me. " Mrs. Jermyn has no eyes for anything but her little ragged urchins." Pews. What's he mean bv that ? Shattock. Why, he's married a woman with a craze. She's a�a�a�a philant'ropist. Pews. Crikey! Shattock. Never 'appy but wot she's picking up dirty little boys and girls and takin' them home and washing and combing 'em, and giving 'em cake and sermon. As if las philant'ropy wasn't as good as her plnlan-



		6 THE HOBBY-HORSE Shattock. We're a' waitin' for to see Mr. Jermyn, Mr. Hewett. Don't hasten him, sir�our time's our own. Hewett. Oh, good-morniDg, Mrs. Landon. Mistress said I was to take you and Tiny to her room d'rectly you came. Mbs. Landon. These gentlemen thought they saw her go out� they must have been mistaken. Hewett. 'Taint the first time in their lives they've been mistaken, I dare say. Come along o' me. [Mbs. Landon follows Hewett up the steps to the house.] Shattock. [Cuffing Tiny, who runs after his mother.] You get shown in, do you�you pushing little cad ! [Mb. Jebmyn, a smart, dapper little man of forly-fwe or fifty, with a sporting appearance, comes through the porch and meets Hewett, Mbs. Landon, and Tiny on the steps.] Spencer Jebmyn. Ah, Mrs. Landon, how do you do ? Getting over your trouble ? Mbs. Landon. Slowly, sir.



		7
	THE HOBBY-HORSE	7
	THE HOBBY-HORSE

Spencer Jermyn. Your boy doesn't grow much�put him into a stable and make a jockey of him. [Mrs. Landon and Tiny go inside with Hewett.] Lord bless me! Another rackety little imp running about the place �we're swarming with 'em. Ah, if my scheme should by any chance satisfy Diana's philanthropic cravings, what a relief it would be ! Shattock. [Meeting Jermyn as he descends the steps.] Good- mornin', Mr. Spencer Jermyn, sir. Spencer Jermyn. Ah, Mr. Shattock, you're punctual, I'm glad to see. Shattock. Yes, Mr. Jermyn, sir, and I've ventured for to bring with me the other deservin' case I mentioned. Mr. Hedward Pews, formei'ly a boy in John Gor- ton's stable�he rode Hysteria for Lord Oscott in the Hoaks so fur back as '56�being suspended from riding at Goodwood in '61 on a unjust charge of 'orrid language at the post, he took to drink and put on flesh rapid. In proof whereof I ask you to look at 'im. Since that time he has been various, but never lucky. He------ Spencer Jermyn. All right�all right. What has he been doing lately ?



			8 TUB HOBBY-HOUSE

		Pews. Selling tips in envelopes, sir�and doin' poorly, my voice not tellin' after the fust hour. Spencer Jeemyn. Can he refer me to anybody ? Shattock. Can he refer you to anybody! Pews. Can I refer you to anybody ! Ho 1 SnATTOCK. [Admiringly.] Can you refer him to anybody i (They look uneasily at each other.] Can he refer you to�h'm !�well, in a sort of way, Mr. Pews gives me as a refryence. Spencer Jermyn. Oh�well, I'll make inquiries. All I can say for the present is, I don't dislike your friend's face. [Pews wipes his face carefully ivitli a dirty handker- chief] And now I had better explain, Mr. Shat- tock, why I desired to see you this morning. Sit down�don't mind me�sit down. [Shattock and Pews sit side by side on a garden bench.] I will walk about. I am so excitedly interested in my scheme that I really cannot discuss it sitting down. Shattock. We will hear you out, sir�we will hear you out.



		THE HOBBY-HOLME 9 Pews. You're a gentleman, sir�none better. Spenceb Jermyn. My scheme is this. Mrs. Jermyn, my wife, is a lady of a most charitable disposition. It is my fault entirely that I have comparatively little sym- pathy with the precise form of her generosity. However, that's nothing to do with you, my men. Shattock. Go on, sir�we're 'earin' you. Spencer Jermyn. Mrs. Jermyn, on the other hand, has no feeling for anything or anybody connected with the Turf or the Stable�no feeling except one of positive distaste. Pews. Shame ! Shame ! Spencer Jermyn. How dare you employ that ejaculation in refer- ence to Mrs. Jermyn, sir ? What do you mean bv it, eh ? Shattock. [To Pews.] Now I 'ope you're proud of yourself ! Spencer Jermyn. Mrs. Jermyn's prejudices are quite beyond not only the censure but the comprehension of such as ourselves.



	10
	10	TUB UOBDT-HORSE

Shattock. [To Pews.] Because your face gets flattered you go and lose your 'ead ! Spencer Jermyn. But I think, Mr. Shattock, that I have discovered a method of blending Mrs. Jermyn's notions of philanthropy with a pet plan of my own to benefit some of the waifs and strays connected with the noble pastime which is more than my hobby, which is my existence. Shattock. Well spoken! Spencer Jermyn. There is a farm-house of mine which has been vacant for a long time, about five miles from here, at Shodly Heath�a very commodious, well built dwelling. Perhaps you know it ? Shattock. A 'ouse painted yaller cream colour? Spencer Jermyn. That's it. [Seeing Jermyn take out a cigar, Shat- tock and Pews simultaneously produce their clay pipes.] Now my notion is to fit and furnish this house substantially and usefully, and to endow it as a Home for about twenty decayed jockeys and stablemen, men like yourselves, who have outlived their chances on the turf and fallen on bad days. There, Mr. Shattock, what do you think of that ?



			THE IIOBBT-IIOBSB 11

		Shattock. Tell me, mister�are you hentering us for the temperance stakes? Spencer Jebmyn. How dare you put a question like that? Where's your gratitude for the bare idea ? Shattock. I was a thinkin' of Mr. Pews�too little is as bad as too much for a man like Edward Pews, Spencer Jermyn. We'll discuss that by and by. The point is, Mr. Shattock, can you find twenty men who would be willing to lead honest, sober, decent lives ? Shattock. Well, off hand I shouldn't like for to pledge my- self to sich a undertaking. Spencer Jermyn. Men with some good sterling qualities in them behind all their faults and weaknesses. Shattock. Well, you see I dessay I've rather spoilt you by showing you me and Mr. Pews fust. However, you leave this 'ere to me�and if there is on the face of this yer earth twenty honest broken-down sportsmen willing for to be kep' free and liberal I'll bring 'em to the post fit and fine.



			12 THE HOBBY-HORSE

		Spenceb Jermyn. Thank you�thank you. It's a grand scheme ! I long to break it to Mrs. Jermyn�if she takes to it why, ha, ha ! who knows, we may see her at Ascot yet! [Pinching, a pleasant but rather weak-looking young man, in riding costume comes up the walk.] Pinching. How are you, Jermyn ? Spencer Jermyn. My dear Pinching. Pinching. I'm behind my time�the mare lost a shoe, so I had to leave her at Lessiugham and walk on. Are these gentlemen two of your proteges ? Spencer Jermyn. [With pride.] Yes. You're smiling, Pinching� don't, my boy, don't! I can't get you to treat this matter with professional earnestness. Er�urn� Mr. Shattock, this is Mr. Ralph Pinching, of New- market�my solicitor. [The men bow uncomfortably.] Pews. Oh, crikey! Shattock. [Under his breath.] 'Ere's a element to creep in.



')

	THE HOBBY-HORSE 13 Spencer Jermyn. Now, my men, I am leaving here this morning, almost immediately, and it is possible that I shall bo away for nearly a month. But during my ab- sence, Mr. Shattock, you will communicate with Mr. Pinching as if he were myself�he has my full in- structions. [Hewett cornea from the house.] Hew- ett, don't forget I go to town by the twelve-fifteen. Put Komper in the cart. Hewett. Yes, sir. Spencer Jermyn. And give these men something to eat and drink. Shattock. I To Hewett.] Now you've got to show us in. Hewett. Yes� kitchen. Shattock. Cad! [Hewett goes towards the house with Shattock and Pews.] Pinching. And now, my dear Jermyn, I've something rer-lly serious to talk to you about. Spencer Jermyn.

		Good gracious, Pinching ; serious !



		14 THE HOBBY-HORSE Pinching. Yes�you shall find me your man of business in real earnest for a few moments. Spenceb Jeemyn. Lord bless me, Pinching, you don't mean------ Pinching. That I have some news of your boy, Allan ? Yes, I think so. Spenceb Jekmyn. My boy ! my boy ! Get on, sir ! get on ! For heaven's sake, don't go to sleep about it. It isn't that I'm in a hurry to hear anything of that scamp of a hoy, but I have to catch the twelve-fifteen�God bless him ! [Pinchingproduces a pocket-book.] Pinching. Now tell me, Jermyn�when did you quarrel and part with your son ? I particularly want dates. Spenceb Jebmyn. Certainly�it was just, before the Middle Park Plate------ Pinching. No, no, please�legally, that is not a perfect date. Spenceb Jjjbmin. "Well, it was about six months before my marriage to Diana.



			TEE HOBBY-HORSE 15

		Pinching. And you married the present Mrs. Jermyn a little over a year ago ; come, that's better. [Turning over sarnie papers.] Now, about the time this quarrel oc- curred, I find that a young man named Thomas Clark shipped himself on board the steamship Pen- guin, bound for the Australian ports, as a common sailor. Spencer Jermyn. Pooh ! On the wrong scent�that wouldn't be my boy Allan. Pinching. This Thomas Clark left some clothes behind him at a lodging in the East of London. Spencer Jermyn. Allan wouldn't have done that�on the wrong scent, sir. Pinching. The landlady subsequently sought the advice of the Police as to her right to dispose of this property. It was ultimately sold, but there exists a memoran- dum on the Police books that some articles of ap- parel belonging to Mr. Thomas Clark were marked " A. J." Spencer Jermyn. That's my boy ! Pinching. I fancied it might be.



		10 TBS HOBBY-HORSE Spencer Jermyn. Fancy ! There's no fancy about it! You surely haven't let the matter drop? My dear Pinching, you are neglecting this business altogether�I could have managed it better myself. It's not profes- sional ! Pinching. Pray be calm, Jermyn, and hear me out. Spencer Jermyn. Excuse me, Pinching. I am much obliged to you for your energy in this affair. Go on. Pinching. It appears that the boy signed articles with the owners to make four voyages in the Penguin. Spencer Jermyn. ' And did he ? Pinching. Thomas Clark did�and finally discharged himself at the East India Docks about a month ago. Spencer Jermyn. And where is he now ? Pinching. That is just what I am trying to find out. Spencer Jermyn. Trying to find out! Rubbish, sir ! Pinching. What I mean to find out, if I caa.



			THE IIOBBY-UonSE 17

		Spenceb Jeemyn. [Taking Pinching's hand.] Thank you, old fellow ; you are a good friend. Bring my boy back to me again, Pinching, for two reasons. Pinching. Two reasons ? Spenceb Jekmyn. Well, in the first place Diana has never seen him �and a woman ought to know what her son is like. And, secondly, Pinching, in our quarrel the boy was right and I was wrong. Pinching. Dear me I Spenceb Jebmyn. It was a serious business. He fancied Medusa for the Middle Park Plate and I had a strong liking for King Caraway. But he said that King Caraway wasn't fit to run without a respirator and that irri- tated me, Pinching, and we had hot words and I saw him go out at that gate, sir, and we never met again. Aud next day when I watched the racing I was still so indignant, Pinching, that I could hardly steady my glasses. But the boy was right, God bless him ! And I want to tell him what I felt when I saw that confounded King Caraway go to pieces at the Abingdon Dip, sir, while Medusa, my deal boy's fancy, romped in like a ballet-girl! (Miss Moxon, a prettily dressed young lady, appcan in the porch.]



		18 THE UOBBy-lIOllSE Miss Moxon. Mr. Pinching. Pinching. Oh, how do you do, Miss Moxon ? Miss Moxon. Mrs. Jermyn wants to know if you have break- fasted. Pinching. Yes�thank you. Miss Moxon. Oh, do come in ! It is almost my last hour in Odium House, Mr. Pinching�I'm going away this morning for good. Pinching. . Going away ! No ! Miss Moxon. [To Jermyn.] Will you give poor unfortunate me a lift to the station to catch the twelve-fifteen, Mr. Jermyn ? Spencer Jermyn. I'm sorry to assist at your departure, Miss Moxon. However, I'll tell Hewett we'll go over in the car- riage. [Jermyn leaves them, and, directly he is out of sight, Miss Moxon runs down the steps and Pinching takes her hand.] Pinching. Going away, Miss Moxon !



		THE HOBBY-HORSE 19 Miss Moxon. Yes; isn't it awful ? And I am so happy here with Diana. I feel I shall never be happy again, Mr. Pinching�never, never, never. Pinching. But why are you going ? Miss Moxon. [Sitting.] It is my duty. Pinching. [Silling close beside her.] Duty ! Miss Moxon. Duty. [Jermyn returns quickly.] Spencer Jermyn. Oh, by the bye, Pinching------ [Pinching and Miss Moxon rise guiltihj. All three are embarrassed.] I just wanted to say�er�urn------[Looking at Miss Moxon.] Excuse me, Pinching�won't you? Pinching. Certainly, Jermyn. Spencer Jermyn. Don't tell Mrs. Jermyn this morning of our dis- coveries about my boy Allan. Pinching. Certainly not, if you don't wish it.



	m
	m	THE lIOBBY-UOllSti
		THE lIOBBY-UOllSti

Spencer Jekmyn. It is rather a sore subject between us; Diana always points to the loss of my boy as one of the evil results of horse racing, and as I'm just go- / ing to divulge my scheme for the Jockeys' Home at Shodley Heath, I particularly want her to be in a good temper to-day. That's all, Pinching. '[Look- ing at Miss Moxon.] Excuse my�my awkwardness, won't you? Charming woman, Miss Moxon. Er� j h' m I I shan't see you again for five minutes, Pinch- ing. [Jermyn goes into the house.] Miss Moxon. [Strolling towards Pinching.] Were you saying anything to me, Mr. Pinching, when dear Mr. Jer- myn came back ? Pinching. Oh, yes�why is it specially your duty to run away from friends who�who like you so well, Miss Moxon ? Miss Moxon. Why, don't you know that I am a very, very poor woman, Mr. Pinching; that I had nothing-a-year settled on me by my parents, who died almost be- fore I was born ; and that I have been some sort of a governess ever since I could lisp, and shall remain one till I am qualified for an almshouse. Pinching. No�I only know that you were a schoolfellow of Mrs. Jermyn's, and that you have been a guest at



		THE IIOBBY-HOIISB 21 Odium House for the last three weeks, and that� and that------■ Miss Moxon. Yes? Pinching. And that iny legal visits to Mr. Jermyn have lately been very protracted. Miss Moxon. Thank you ! You're the only lawyer I've ever known�as well as this. Pinching. You are the only governess I have ever known as well as this. Miss Moxon. I never imagined a lawyer was so young. Pinching. Oh, yes�it's only in books that we suffer from chronic old age. Miss Moxon. After to-day, when I am far, far away from Odium House, I shall always think pleasantly of a lawyer. Pinching. And I shall always think pleasantly of a governess. Miss Moxon. Of governesses in general, do you mean�or a governess ?

			/



		22 THE HOBBY-HORSE Pinching. A governess. Miss Moxon. [Looking away.] Then do you know any other governess ? Pinching. No! Miss Moxon. Oh! [Mrs. Jermyn, a stately, handsome tvoman of about thirty, appears at the top of the steps leading Tiny Landon by the hand.] Mrs. Jermyn. Won't you come into the house, Mr. Pinching? Constance, dear, you said you would look after Mr. Pinching. Miss Moxon. I am doing so, Diana. [Mrs. Jermyn and Tiny come doivn the steps as Miss Moxon and Pinching ascend.] Pinching. Thank you, Mrs. Jermyn. Am I too old to com- pete with this young gentleman for a j:>ermanent lo- cation at Odium House ? Mrs. Jermyn. Ah, Mr. Pinching, don't you he unsympathetic. I fear my husband's indifference is contagious. Go in, please�I am looking for Mr. Jermyn. [Miss



			THE HOBBY-HOUSE 23

		Moxon and Pinching go into the house. Mrs. Jermyn goes down upon her knees before the child, smoothing his hair and polishing his face with her handker- chief] There, my dear little fellow�the sight of you ought to soften any man's heart. Where is Spencer ? Ah, Tiny�if you could but realise it� the success of a grand, a beautiful scheme depends upon the impression you make upon Mr. Jermyn. Tiny Landon. [Trying to avoid the pocket-handkerchief] Oh, don't! [Jermyn enters and contemplates Mrs. Jermyn and the child with annoyance.] Spencer Jermyn. There's one of those beastly little boys. Diana, my darling, I'm afraid I shall have to say good-bye very soon. Mrs. Jermyn. And when am I to see you again, Spencer ? Spencer Jermyn. H'm! Well, Diana, as you know, I am going to Paris to-night for the Auteuil Steeplechase. Mrs. Jermyn. Oh! Spencer Jermyn. I shall remain over there till after the Grand Prix. Mrs. Jermyn. TJghl



		24 TUB HOBBYHORSE Spencek Jebmyn. And then, my dear, I suppose I had better------ Mas. Jebmyn. Return home, Spencer ? Spencer Jermyn. Well, Diana, I was about to say that I had better then�er�um�push on to Ascot. Mrs. Jermyn. And have you been as precise in your arrange- ments for my occupation, Spencer? Spencee Jermyn. Certainly�certainly�I have thought a great deal about that. In fact, I�I�that is�well, my dar- ling, I miderstood that old Mrs. Hetherington had been jjressing about your staying in Hans Place. It is the London Season, you know. Mks. Jermyn. There can be no season anywhere for a wife with- out her husband. Spencek Jermyn. My dear Diana, I am delighted to hear you say that. I do leave you a great deal�I am always Hying here, there, and everywhere. It is wrong�it is damnably wrong ! Mbs. Jermyn. [Holding her hands over Tiny's ears.] Sjiencer, the child !



		THE HOBBY-HORSE 25 Spenceb Jebmyn. Ugh ! I beg your pardon, Diana�but confound that ugly child! Mks. Jekmyn. Oh, no! Spencer Jebmyn. I repeat, it is wrong that I should go about in this way alone. Therefore let us remedy it. Mks. Jebmyn. Willingly. Spenceb Jebmyn. Ab, that's right, my darling. Mrs. Jebmyn. But I fear, Spencer, that you overestimate your powers of resolve in thinking that you can forego those dreadful race-meetings. Spenceb Jebmyn. My dear Diana, I don't suggest that. I was about to propose that you accompany me. Mes. Jebmyn. Spencer ! Pray respect me a little ! [Tiny sits at the foot of a tree with a book.] Spenceb Jebmyn. Husbands and wives are seen together at these places. Mes. Jebmyn. What grade of wife ?



		26 THE nOBBY-IIOliSE Spencer Jermyn. "What grade of wife ! Why, the�the�the ordinary sort of married wife. Mes. Jermyn. Then I am not the ordinary sort of wife. I confess I may possess one faculty less than other women� that faculty is The Stable, the Stable in all its bear- ings and influences, public and private. Spencer Jermyn. Diana, this is simple prejudice ? Mrs. Jermyn. What is a stable�your own stable, for which you so often leave me? It is the least comfortable part of our premises, where common men are always shouting " Get back," or " Come over," and carrying about pails of water ! Spencer Jermyn. It isn't the stable, Diana�it's the horses, the noble, intelligent horses. Mrs. Jermyn. The only use you find for them is to drag you or carry you from one place to another. Spencer Jermyn. Don't they do it well ? Mrs. Jermyn. Certainly�then let it end there. When a train



		)

			THE HOBBY-HORSE 27 does the same thing in an eighth of the time you don't pat the steam-engine and smoke pipes with the railway directors. And then, these dreadful festivals called The Races � the races, where you put the very animal you profess to respect and ad- mire to a sjjeed it was never meant to attain, and where your jockey lashes and wounds the beast lie rides because the poor thing is too fragile to " make the pace," or too intelligent to risk breaking a blood-vessel. The Races! A mere Bacchanal of vulgarity and depravity, whose vice sinks into a man until his very tongue becomes furred with it and he can speak only in the shibboleth of the Bet- ting Ring. Spencer Jermyn. My dear, Sport is the natural wear of man, like his coat and trousers�it is perfectly becoming that a woman should not adopt the one or the other. Mbs. Jermyn. Spencer! Spencer Jermyn. The instinct of Sport is born in us. In all prob- ability Adam had a gun license�and as there were horses in Eden there you have the origin of Ascot. It was the presence of Eve which made it a ladies' meeting. Mrs. Jermyn. Hush, Spencer�the child ! Spencer Jermyn. Racing is my hobby�my weakness, if you like.



		THE HOBBY-HORSE 29 Spencer Jermyn. No, Diana, certainly not � any day in Bond Street------ Mrs. Jermyn. Oh, you are odious! Spencer Jermyn. Our own parish of Over-Lessingham contains enough poverty to satisfy any moderate philanthro- pist ; do what you like here. Mrs. Jermyn. Spencer ! You mean that ? You give me per- mission to do what I please in Lessingiiam for the welfare of our poor people ? Spencer Jermyn. Certainly, my darling�and I was about to tell you of an idea of mine for enlarging your scheme of operations. Mrs. Jermyn. Oh, you dear old darling! Sit down there ! And I'll sit at your feet as I used to before we�before we------ Spencer Jermyn. Before we were philanthropists. Mrs. Jermyn. Before we were married. And I'll give you back your old nick-name of " Nettles." Spencer Jermyn. Thank you, Diana.



		30 TItE HOBBY-HORSE Mrs. Jebmyn. \Pinching his chin.] Good-humoured, irritable, irritating old Nettles! And I'll tell you all about the great big plan I've had in my poor anxious head for weeks, and weeks, and weeks. Spenceb Jebmyn. Do, my darling�and then you shall hear my proposition, which I fancy------ Mbs. Jebmyn. Hush, Nettles, clear ; you do rattle on so. Spenceb Jebmyn. I beg your pardon, my darling. Mas. Jebmyn. Nettles, dear. Spenceb Jebmyn. [Affectionately.] Yes, Diana. Mrs. Jebmyn. I don't believe we shall ever get a tenant for that farm-house at Shodly Heath. Spencer Jebmyn. Eh? Mbs. Jebmyn. It has been vacant so long�why should we not ourselves turn it to account. Spenceb Jebmyn. Well now, that's a little strange�the same notion had already struck me.



		32 THE IIOBBY-IIOIISIS Mes. Jeemyn. Tiny�Tiny Landon ! Come here ! [The child runs across to her; she wipes his nose.] Mes. Jeemyn. Oh! you precious little charge! Tiny, kiss that gentleman, and make, oh, so much of him! [She places the child on Jermyn's knee; lie strugyles, and pushes Tiny from him.] SrENCEE Jeemyn. Diana, you will not let me explain. I certainly have arranged that the Farm at Shodly shall be a Homo or liefuge�but, pardon me, Diana, not, not for little boys. Mes. Jeemyn. What! Not�for�little�boys ? Spencer Jeemyn. No, Diana. Mes. Jeemyn. For little girls ? Spencer Jeemyn. No, Diana. Mes. Jeemyn. For whom then is Shodly to be a shelter ? Spencer Jeemyn. I thought it would satisfy and delight you, Diana �twenty decayed jockeys.